Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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