it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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