Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
