i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
