How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
