Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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