New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
