i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
