Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
