did you get engaged???
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
