I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
