if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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