I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My breasts were aching with rage.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
