am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize