508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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