Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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