saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
