She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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