before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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