You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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