Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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