I cut my penus on the lid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
