It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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