that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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