You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
