Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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