barbara walters just said penis...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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