it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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