dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
