did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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