1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
