6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
