k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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