When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
