Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
