So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
