the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
