I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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