I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
