What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
