i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize