I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
