it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
