You're so nebulous sometimes
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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