the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
