tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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