just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
