WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
