Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
