Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
