i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
