Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
