Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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