Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
