in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
