I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize