Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
