Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
