i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Let's get the cat blown out
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
