I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
