I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
