Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
