so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
