he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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