she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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