please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
