We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
