thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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