life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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