I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
