If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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