I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
