Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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